“When I would catch Mr. Schwarz caressing my mother's bony thigh.”

S03 · E06Christmas Special10:57 — 11:00

When I would catch Mr. Schwarz caressing my mother's bony thigh.

And she'd make me play songs on the piano when she would sing to him.

My parents divorced when I was nine --

Every year the dreadful moment arrived

When I would catch Mr. Schwarz caressing my mother's bony thigh.

And I'd say, "Eyes on the keys, Jackie Boy. Keep your eyes on the keys..."

And they'd ask me to play "White Christmas"

And it would turn into some boozy, burlesque travesty!

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