“God, I wish my first roommate hadn't died of old age.”

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Well, what were you even doing at that bachelor party?

Derek thought I was a guy,

And I didn't want to ruin what was happening between us.

God, I wish my first roommate hadn't died of old age.

Then you wouldn't have moved in, and I wouldn't have wasted

15 years of my life trying to make you

Feel better about yourself.

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